Kenzie

testing. tried this before and I failed to save it woops

Hi my name is Kenzie and I have ADHD. I got this diagnosis late in my life, and have been doing a lot of work over the past year to understand what that means and how to set myself up for success. I am using this space to that end and will update it as needed.

How to Best Communicate with Me

ADHD presents me with unique communication needs, barriers and challenges. ADHD can also make me very forgetful, bad at time management (will this take me 2 hours or 2 months? Literally couldn't tell you), distractible, perpetually late, and rejection dysphoric (meaning perceived criticism is tough for me to hear sometimes). Given those realities, the best way to communicate with me is:

• Without taking my behaviour (which are often ADHD symptoms) personally. Please understand that you are not responsible for or in control of my feelings/behaviours. My neurochemistry controls my behaviours, and I try to control my neurochemistry with drugs and behavioural interventions that sometimes help and sometimes don't. For example, rejection dysphoria is complicated and while feedback might trigger it, it is mine and mine alone to take responsibility for. My compulsive late-ness and forgetfulness is not a reflection of how much I value your (or anybody else's time); it's a reflection of a lack of dopamine in my pre-frontal cortex, the part of my brain responsible for behaviour like punctuality. My sometimes cold, robotic-like messages/emails that read as almost aggressive are 9.5/10 times a product of my Vyvanse, which makes me unfeeling and maniacally preoccupied with efficiency. My fidgeting, standing up and walking around during meetings, multi-tasking during conversations, my interrupting people (hate this one)—all me, never you. You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. I am responsible for them and for dealing with them, including communicating my needs to you as needed. They aren't personal because they aren't exactly in my control (which isn't to say I'm not responsible for them—I am, and I am usually trying to come up with new mitigation strategies.) What this looks like in practice is you say what you need to say, and then you move on, unburdened knowing that your piece of the equation is taken care of, and if anything is needed to move forward, I will reach out to you. If something you say is hard to hear, usually I come around in time and just need a couple of days to reflect on the situation. If I did something that upset you and you aren't sure if it's an ADHD thing, feel free to ask me what happened! If I say "it an ADHD thing", then there ya have it! If not, I will make changes accordingly.

• Directly. I am a literalist. I actually don't think this is related to ADHD. I just need to hear things directly, in the moment, and without mincing words. As a general principle, I don't respond to subtext; if you need something, I believe it is your responsibility to communicate it with me clearly, not my responsibility to decipher it. If you are worried about coming across as harsh, see above.

• Very directly. When I am in the groove (a.k.a on the Vyvanse and getting shit done), I really like getting to the point so I can keep working. If it's all the same to you, let's skip the pleasantries and small talk and get down to business (though a "hi, hope you are well" as a preface is always appreciated.)

• Like I am your grandparent w dementia. I am not saying this flippantly; the degree of patience you have for people with a neurobiological basis for their forgetfulness is appropriate when it comes to dealing with me too. While you are not responsible for me, if there is something you need from me, I will not be offended or think that you think I'm incompetent if you want check in or follow up about important items, tasks, or deadlines. In fact, this can really really help me. Likewise, don't feel bad about reminding me about behaviour changes you need from me. If I have said I am going to do something and am not doing it, I've likely forgotten, and a gentle reminder is more than welcome.

Accommodations

• Missing meetings/last-minute cancellations. Because of my medication, and also my fibromyalgia (google it if you don't know what it is), I can't sleep at night sometimes. Not getting enough sleep makes me incapable of functioning, and also after reading the horrifying nonfiction book Why We Sleep, I have determined that I am unwilling to get less than 6 hours of sleep per night. Sometimes if I can't fall asleep til 6 am, that means I will sleep in til noon. That means I might cancel our morning meetings sometimes when this happens, but I will try to avoid doing this to the extent possible. I am sorry and I appreciate your understanding.

• Weekly Meeting Semi-Attendance. The facilitator will take note of my tasks and text me to attend the last 15 minutes of the meeting where we can address my items. You can think of having ADHD as my brain having a gas tank (dopamine). My dopamine stores are finite and precious. Long meetings burn through valuable stores of neurotransmitters that I need to be able to complete other tasks later one. This sounds fake, but doing things that are long and hard for me can sometimes literally result in me not being able to do other things I need to do during the day. As a result, I try to minimize things that are hard and long for me. That said, I understand that my attendance is needed in many of these spaces though, so the above is an ongoing accommodation I have in place to try and make sure everyone's needs are met.